What happened to the theory of it takes a village. . .

I heard a quote once that says “It takes a village to raise a child”. My kids were much younger and things were very diffrent then. The quote didn’t affect me as much as it does today. I am very disapointed in things that have been said to me recently regarding my son. It breaks my heart that people have no Kindness in their souls when it comes to speaking with others.  My son is in the middle of a trial in his life. One where he needs guidance, love and support. Of which I try to apply all 3 to both of my kids. ( I am only a mom, I do make mistakes) When you have people in your life telling you there is a problem , all you want to do is find a way to help, I have found untill I went to a new dr no one had any fair input. However the dr made it clear that while something happened at school and def needs attention- He will survive this.

I am in no way prepared to homeschool my kids. I get that, But I WILL NOT EXPOSE MY KIDS TO KNOW-IT-ALL -TEACHERS who are unwilling to help. I am burnt out on this whole damn situation. All I need is some clear help and I am finding ridicule, and hurtful insight.

*******God has and will provide a clear path for me and my family. Despite what anyone may have to say. no dr or medicine will change GODS will. And for that I am thankful. *******

ADD or not??

The school called me a few minutes ago. Apparently my son is exhibiting signs of ADD. I dont really see them at home, but what do I know? I had a Mom tell me last week that I should trust the school because the teachers spend more time with him. I dont think that I buy that answer.  My son , I thought had the same problems as other kids in the world. They dont want to do work. They donjt want to clean their rooms. Or play nice with their siblings. That to me is normal. But now I read that it is not. That Add meds and diagnosis can help nip these issues in the butt. My question: How do you know it is right? How do you let a dr prescribe meds that are so potent for a child and just trust that it is the right thing to do? I am not sure I can. I dont know what to do from here. When I gave birth to my children all I could think was ” I want these kids to have a better/easier life than I did” so far my kids have proven to me that nothing is ever easy.

Good Morning 2011!!

What a welcomed year! I am ready for change.  I have not blogged in a LONG time. I know big loss in the blogging world. I just threw myself into work and life and my family. What a great feeling. Just being. Work almost ran me into the ground. Going from being a stay at home mom to suddenly working 15, 20 or even 40 hours a week can cripple a persons senses. I loved it, boy was I tired. I didnt have time to dwell on anything or try and fix anyone. It was empowering. I am starting 2011 with a new perspective. HAPPINESS.    It has been years since I let myself enjoy my life. SO here I am, Happy and ready to trudge through the next year.   My year goals (not resolutions)   1- Change our money habits. 2- Save $$$$. 3- Celebrate my 10 year anniversary (out with my hubby) 4- Slow down and Enjoy MY KIDS.  This past christmas season showed me what so many people deal with on the regular basis. Single moms and dads everywhere work full time and have minimal time for their families. That just sux! I only did it for 3 months, I cant imagine how I would feel otherwise.  Bless all the hard working Americans who sacrifice daily for their lifestyles.   So instead of dwelling on what injustice there is in the world- I am celebrating my many blessings. We have a home and food. We may struggle for the extras but we have what we need. Thank you lord. SO Happy New Year to all you bloggers. And best wishes

Curses.

My mother in law says that family curses come from biblical times and that they can be passed along like a geneic anomoly. People are not aware that thier “bad luck” is closely linked to something their ancestors had done million of years ago so it never becomes obvious. But given the opportunity, could you find one area in your life always affected by negative energy? My area always a mess is my friendships, relationships. I have the hardest time making friends, and relying on members of my family. I have this nagging feeling that maybe I deserve this. I do something wrong.  When I asked my husband not too long ago, how he saw it from the outside looking in his answer was simple. I am too honest. So much so that most people can not handle my opinions or the way I live my life. I have a  very distinct guide I try to live by and raise my children by.  I expect them to see the example I set and hopefully it keeps them straight. This weekend my family drove home the fact that if I did not have Scott, I may not have anyone there to pick up my pieces at the end of a long day. I am stretched too thin always , accomodating others. Making sure they have what they need or want and often times I am left with nothing and no one to care for my needs.  How do I make this change?

One day at time.

One Day at a time. I think that phrase is something they use at AA meetings. But it applies to everyone. Recovering alcoholics, drug addicts, people with identity crisis, ME.  By getting married at 17, I gave up the chance to know who I was as a singleton, form my own views with no influence.  Was it the worse thing I could have ever done? NO. Not in any way, but it has changed the path on which I travel. My husband is and always has been my best friend, the love of my life. Internally I became my own enemy. I have constantly held myself back, or kept myself at a distance. I am a black and white kind of girl. Something is either Right or Wrong. I have never had a grey area.  Something My husband has been teaching me- inadvertantly- is that you cannot control everything, things can go wrong. Some days are terrible. It just is. The silver lining is that you get another chance, you can wake up and try again. (in most cases) The grey area is there. It does exist. You almost need it to survive,  not everything falls into one of 2 categories. Hence the grey area. Yes GENIUS , I know. So my theory , and my rant against people under 21 getting married is just this… You cannot predict who you are gonna be or where you are gonna end up. Life is unexpected. when you dont know who you, yourself is then how can you be capable to support someone else. (Emotionally & physically) I do not think that my husband and myself are some miracle in the grand scheme of things. In my little corner of this  world- we are beating the odds every day.  GOD gave us eachother, and somehow it all works out.  So we, I am learning to take it one day at a time. Black, white & grey. I can feel the change saving me, US. Our marriage. I have hope. In ten more years I may have an answer -for today though I have  a feeling, LOVE.

Divine Intervention.

My mother in law is a strong believer in GOD and his many miracles. She is almost an extremist. Yet she has lived longer on her belief than any physical relationship has taken her. SO while I am not as extreme, I have a firm faith. As I have said I am in the middle of turmoil both emotional and in my relationships. I have been learning to embrace my faith and GOD in my daily doings. My mother in law has been telling me for years that when someone or something has happened one way GOD helps is when you say ” lord he is troubling me about this..” You say it repeatedly and it is meant for the lord to aid you in the situation. (maybe I explain it terrible. dont eat me alive please) I have done it, but didnt really believe it- I guess. My husband and I have been going through a rough period, we were arguing and I could not control where it was going (hubby was too angry) I just internally kept saying “lord he is troubling me about this…” and I also said a silent prayer for him to help stop this mess we got ourselves in. Suddenly a few minutes have passed and through my tears I can see my husband retreat. The arguing is over, and he has softened.  I realize that all things aside hubby and I have so much work to do, BUT I also know that GOD intervened at a time that I asked , I needed HIM. Today as I type this I know that I need HIM always. And he allowed me to see that change to remind me of how important our relationship is (God & me).   He put this very clear path in front of me, and I am just following his lead. SO maybe (if anyone reads this) you can try when you are in a bind and need a higher popwer to assist you. TRY IT. I am glad I have, I am still trying it to help my husband and I mend all the things wrong with us now.

Sunday- Pulled pork sammies–football :)

Somewhere amidst all the chaos I found plain old happiness this weekend. Just being. My son had a sleepover, my daughter conked out early, and my husband and I enjoyed a movie night. It was so nice. And completley diffrent . I think somewhere among all the mean things that my husband said last week during a heated and out of control argument, I found some sort of defination for what has been plagueing (sp) me. I have felt liek I need to be perfect and prepared for anything and everything all the time. I put so much pressure on myself ( and others) I think I lost part of myself. While I do not justify my hubby’s attitude, I do think it was an event that I needed to set my self straight again. Being a teen mom , and wife make it damn near impossible to feel as though you are successful. Always some sort of criticism, or “well for your age you are doing good.” Somehow people think that having married young I also must be dumb. Or naive as to how others have suffered. I am not sure what really but it is annoying. I really think that is what has worn me down al these years. We as a human civilization always look for justification for the things we say or do, I needed it. Now though I get to see my babies in school and thriving. Not only are they growing strong but they are getting smarter. That is just what the doctor ordered in this case. So Sunday night football, and a wonderful pulled pork sandwhich completed this wonderful weekend.

GOD.

Well I have been stripped to the bone. The lord has shown me that without HIM and HIS support, I have nothing. He gave me my Husband and my children. HE blessed us with our house, my husbands job. All I am and will ever be is  HIS glory none of my own. I only just learned this lesson, last week. In one month He took my entire sense of security and happiness and showed me that  I need HIM just like air.  So now I find myself praying and leaning on GOD more than ever. I am not sure of the right and wrong way to proceed. I pray daily, I thank HIM for waking me, parking spaces, another day with my family, my husband making it home from work every am.  The choices my husband and I have been making have not been all wrong but they are no longer what works for our family, GOD has shown as HE has also shown me now is not the time for a new baby and it may never be time. Where do we go from here? What religion are we? I believe in GOD, and his ability to set a path before us, He has the power to make a miracle where there was no way before.  Now what?

School has started.

SO I survived the first day back. So that means no kids at home. I am typing in a quiet no interuption room. So nice   My baby however was not so happy. We were in the school , dropped off my boy at his class. He was so mature and just walked in with my husband (his wingman) and found his little 3rd grade desk with his name on it and off we went to kindergarden hall. We looked for it and eventually navigated our way to her class, she has a sweet 23 yr old (tops) teacher and her desk was even smaller and cuter than the 3rd grade desk. So as we approach the desk she does a grab (and miss) sweep.  As soon as the hand past its intended destination-my leg- her eyes began to swell. and of course my eyes began to swell. I had to think fast and remind her of all of the fun stuff they would do today and that I was picking her up and how great it will be. Still she was all puckered and sad.  I had to leave I was going to cry full on and guess what I saw when I surveyed the room?? 8 parents!!! 2 leaving peacefully. 4 dads just standing there wondering if they should leave. and 2 more (my husband and myself) confused. Oh and on the verge of a mental break! I looked at my baby and said “I love you”  and made a  beeline for the door tha now felt as though it was 3 miiles away. Once we were in the hall I was fine , my daughter never even looked back and my husband was a rock -as usual.  I was thinking why is it so emotional for the youngest child to head off to school? Is it that there are no more babies? Well guess what?! I counted those days till she was in school all day since she was 2. Not because I dont love her, but because she is so smart that she needs to be engaged at all times. Otherwise she runs amuck(sp). So now it is here the first day back and I am counting the minutes till I can go and pick up my kids and know that they had a great day.  My goals untill then… you guessed it…none. Ok well maybe laundry, big deal that is a daily thing. I feel like I am so lost. Which way do I go. My plan is clean clean clean because anyone with multiple kids and pets knows that it is never done.  I think though that today is my day. Laundry may be it.   There is always tomorrow

Saturday Recap

Saturday, Ah, my favorite day of the week. I lie, Sunday really is, why? NO MAIL. No stress, no bills, the phone never rings. I love my weekends. Last weekend flew by, my husband was off and we have been spending time getting our house in order. There is so much to do, and our money tree has failed us miserably There are renovations that are waiting to be done, and no funds right now. Sad sad. But like most first time home buyers we jumped in eyes closed, and started things that we were not prepared for. But that is ok we are a work in progress, the theme for my 26th year of life.  The work as a stay at home mom is NEVER done, ironically school goes back in 4 days and I am dreading it. OK let me be clear, I love school, I love that my kids will be getting an education, and I can run errands all on my own! Yay!!  But this is my first year that I will be alone all day. I am searching for  my hobby still but I think it will be great. And I am looking forward to getting into a routine with my dog. Bruiser , although most days I really want to call him either “Hoover” or ” Marley” , he is into everything. ^ months old and he can easily get to the counter, and is miles above the coffee table. LOL. My giveaway pooch is now a beast. He melts my heart most of all when he acts like one of the kids. Which happens to be most of the time. At one point if I would hollar at my kids to just sit for a minute he would line up tight next to them, and wait for the punishment. Sweet sweet boy    So last week was busy. My Mom had a job interview, Walmart is treating their employees awful these days. My daughter had a Kindergarten orientation, she WAS excited. But once we got in her class she did the leg grab and that was it. When we left she turned to me and said ” Well I changed my mind, school is not for me.” Ha! If only she knew what was in store for herself.  My son however is stoked, 3rd grade here we come. He was actually disapointed he didnt get to meet his teacher. So weird.  My friend is still her odd self. She left a week long vacay 3 days early because her kids were so bad, and she was so miserable without her husband. Dont get me wrong , I get it. But how long should she be allowed to torcher him while he is overseas in extreme heat being tortured already?? All she does is say “I can’t handle this. I need him.” It is both of their fault though. He really should have held her accountable, he was always running in and cleaning up an ding everything instead of having her be an adult. So frustrating.  I guess my problem is that I am a black and white, right and wrong sort of person, and when I get annoyed with someone and I dont agree with their behavior, I have a really hard time maintaning a relationship with said person. I am trying to change but it is so not me. 

Next adventure I am ready. Sign me up